Detached attachment

 Detached attachment' is the optimal mantra where the feeling of ownership is eliminated and replaced with a feeling of 'custodianship. ' An ownership feeling creates a sense of attachment in an implicit manner, whereas a custodian feeling creates a sense of detachment with a pure sense of love.


Detached attachment,  here are some things you can try.


Identify the reason.


Ask yourself why you're now deciding to detach from the relationship. ...


Release your emotions. ...


Don't react, respond. ...


Start small. ...


Keep a journal. ..


Meditate. ...


Be patient with yourself. ...


Look forward.


My memory goes back to 2016, our visit to London for the baby shower of my daughter.  Great expectation of a grandson in our family,  had practiced lullaby for the tiny wonder.  After the discharge from Queens hospital Illford on the third day, when the baby was brought to our bed room in the silence of the night, I could not resist humming to his ears 'chupke chupke' by famous Pakistani gazal singer Gulam Ali. Another song by Adnan Sami 'chanjadi adi urangoo nee'  and 'rare rariram raro' by G Venugopal.  Later intoxicated by the music  a week old kid could not be consoled  only by feeding milk by mother, but also by feeding these tunes  from the mobile.  We were there for about six months and each morning about 3.00 am the baby would be brought to our bedroom to be placed  in the warmth of grandparents;  feeling, humming and cuddling for the next three to four hours. Energy charged these three morning hours kept our cells also healthy for the rest of the day.  A bond was created with the newborn. Unforgettable days... regaining of our youthful days of past we returned to our home acquiring enthusiasm for an extended period of life.


Now daughter and family having settled in  Chennai, my grandson is in school; a talkative boy in the third standard.  He used  to get a positive vibe even now when above songs are played or recited to him.


 Let me rewind it back to the period 1983 when my first son Tony was born.  A tumultuous period due to financial crunch and health issues of two seniors in the family, even lullaby had a tinge of sadness. Hindi songs 'thuje sooraj kahoom ya chanda' by Manna Dey 'phoolom ke rang se, dil ki kalam se' by Kishore Kumar 'khabi khabi' by Mukesh were lullaby for my son.  The situation at home those days brought to memory even after 40 years now, when these songs are hummed or heard in the TV or radio.


Coming to the need of detachment; my younger son is blessed with a baby girl and is now eight months old.  We are denied the luxury of caring, cuddling or singing lullaby to the kid because the baby was born in Dubai.  The prenatal and postnatal care was given by the girl's mother.  After the delivery  the kid and mother were in India twice, the mother preferred to be with  her parents house in Erode.    Now you would have understood the need for 'detached attachment' of relationship. Let the relationship between my son and his family flourish; as long as our detachment keep their bond together we will not impose our in law phobia to her.


As regards to keeping a journal;  pouring our emotions by writing a blog or two about incidents to cherish  are the only source of expressions.   We are storing the growth and movements in the Android memories to be retrieved whenever required.  Till such time the detached attachment is to calm the nerves of my better half who is always sober about the missed opportunity.


Be patient and look forward for a better tomorrow.

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